Positive Activity vs Toxic Positivity: What’s the Difference?

Somewhere along the way, positivity got a bad reputation. Suddenly it was labeled toxic. Apparently, being positive now means you’re supposed to float through life like a sparkly unicorn, denying your feelings while whispering affirmations to yourself in the mirror. Nope. Not here.

When Positivity Got a Bad Reputation

Let me say this clearly: Positive Activity is not toxic positivity. When people talk about positive activity vs toxic positivity, they are often confusing real resilience with emotional denial. And they are not the same thing.

What Toxic Positivity Sounds Like

Toxic positivity sounds like: “Just be grateful.” “At least it’s not worse.” “Choose joy.” Sometimes delivered while you are exhausted, frustrated, or crying into your coffee.

Toxic positivity tries to rush you past real emotions. It skips grief. It ignores anger. It tells anxiety to “just calm down,” which is not helpful to you or to someone in pain, fear, or worry.

Positive Activity Does Not Skip Your Emotions

Positive Activity does not pretend life is perfect. It lets you feel sad, worried, fear, anxiety, anger, and overwhelm; everything – feel it all. We are human after all and have the gift of our emotions. We can acknowledge the negative feelings, give them grace and space, and give ourselves grace. OK, I am feeling this now, and thatis OK. We want you to feel the feelings, let your body process them.

The research shows when your norm is a more positive optimistic place, you are more open to creative ideas to solve problems, we have more resilience to bounce back, we never deny what is going on, we are able to live with it, move thru the day or week with the feelings, keeping hope that things will get better without judging ourselves or our negative emotions.

Positive Activity gives you the skills and methods to build your resilience, so when there are bad times, you do not land in the ditch, or if you do, you have the skills to recover, to bounce back, to have the hope that all will be ok.

Resilience in Real Life: Parenting, Business, and the Hard Days

When Craig Has a Hard Day

When our non-speaking son with autism has a day filled with anxiety, stimming, and frustration, I feel fear, worry, and stress wrapping around my heart. I think, when will he get better, what is bothering him, and am I doing enough medically to help him? On and on!

These feelings can ruin a day. So if they do, I let them. In these cases, I will talk to Neil, call a friend who totally gets it, or chat with a friend who makes me laugh. I will talk to Craig about how we can help him, (he communicates now on a letterboard, pointing to letter to spell out words and sentences. See: I-asc.org or spellers.com to learn more) I think about how much progress he has made, the medical community and energy workers and all the “outside of the box” practitioners that are helping us to heal. I feel the hope that this will get better.

When Business Gets Messy

Ugh, the jackets arrived to our customer with the wrong logo placement. The customer wants a credit. Fear, worry, and doubt set in. Will we lose this client? How much money will we lose? Are they really mad at us? These situations arise in our swag business. Instead of immediately reacting, I gather my tools, talk to Neil (my partner in business and life), talk to the decorators, call the client, and figure out how we can help and make it right.

Positive Activity Is a Skill, Not a Slogan

We have been in business for 27 years, and we are lucky to have experience to call on. These are upsetting situations; it stinks, and I feel the upset (is that a word?). I do not ignore the feelings; I acknowledge them, understand I am human, carry them with me, and also carry in my arm the knowledge that I have the skills to work this through. I have the hope that it will be resolved, even if we lose money on the order, which is certainly part of being an entrepreneur. 

The positive activity helps us see obstacles not as barriers to block us in, but helps us see a way over, around, under with curiosity.  “I wonder if ……….” Positive Activity does not demand constant joy. It teaches you to hold:

This Is Messy. And I Am Capable.

“This is messy.” “And I am capable.”  That’s resilience, that’s strength, that’s Tuesday. You do not have to be happy to be hopeful.

I love this quote…not sure who to give credit to, but thanks!

“When one door closes another one opens, but these hallways are a bitch!”

Yes, acknowledge unpleasantness, we can learn from it, we have the right to feel it.

You may be in the hallway right now, my hope for you is also have the hope that the next door will open.

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